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I have a confession to make. Some of you already know this because you know my face in person. After not being interested in Facebook for the entire history of Facebook, I am now on Facebook. It’s a long, sad, drawn out story, but in a nutshell it’s all because of Honey and his fat fingers.

Before everyone in our house had their own computer type thingies, they were on our family computer. It was easy to go on the kid’s MySpace accounts, and then Facebook pages, just to peruse and check things out. Our kids called it lurking and said mean things to us, but  we pushed through the scorn.

I started out occasionally lurking on The Ab-Cat’s Facebook page, and for some reason I cannot completely recall, transferred to Mousey’s page. I think it had something to do with playing Words With Friends. Yes, that’s what it was. Playing Words With Friends on her page made for some strange partners, and a good majority of them were not aware they were playing with her mother. She said it was creepy so I made her inform them of our slight deception. Some, (mainly some boys) dropped me like a hot potato. Others, including her good friend Chip’s father and grandmother, retained me. I then received requests from some of my friends , such as Mrs. Schmenkman, Capri’s P and D,, who were already her friends, or others I had friend request her on her Facebook page, such as my pal Jammy Gal and Jip the Farm Dog’s oldest son. I thought everything was fine.

THEN, when I got the iPad for Christmas several years ago, Abby was the unfortunate one setting things up for me. In a move that has haunted her for years, she set up all of my business with her Facebook account because of course she knew her own password. And Y’All, I got my very own Words with Friends game with its very own app!!!!! I was then free to play thousands of games with my Aunt Phyllis, who had no need for the stinking Facebook either!

*******I need to take a small rabbit trail here to talk about the tiny error I made in purchasing this $1.99 Words With Friends app. I only mention it because I WILL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN among my people. I thought that the $100 Apple iTune card was given to me by Honey when he gave me the iPad for Christmas. In my ignorance, I took the card to purchase the Words With Friends app that I had heard about from Capri Patt, so I could play the game in peace without the plethora of annoying ads and commercials that I had endured while playing for free on Mousey’s Facebook. Buy the app she said, you’ll love it!!! And I did!! I feel I need to clarify here that Capri Patt did not advise me to use the $100 iTunes card, she was unaware and not complicit in my tiny error of judgment.

 Apparently, it was not my card, it came with Mousey’s Macbook. and it is now tied to the iPad for all time or something and NO ONE can ever use it to do ANYTHING they want with it and it’s as if I drowned kittens in a sack and stole food from the mouths of homeless children. But I am free to play many hours of enjoyable Words With Friends with my Aunt Phyllis and many other beloved friends sans the annoying ads and commercials. It is my heavy, $1.99, load to carry.******

Alas, we were now back on Abby’s Facebook. Which if I am being honest, was a better Facebook page for me to lurk on. Mousey had some “friends” that I was appalled with, and she finally blocked them to silence me. She said they weren’t even her friends anyway, just people at school who evidently friend anyone whose name they recognize. I guess that is what the youngsters do. Anyway, it was nice to be back on Ab’s page where i knew more people and was not constantly saying “oh my GOSH!!!!” and making what we call the Hog Face. You know, that face everyone makes when you hear something horrifying or smell something truly heinous? Yes, you know that face.

We went on like this for several years, and Honey and I were quite content to occasionally lurk on her page. Sometime over the years Honey was becoming somewhat of a Ninja super stalker. He would tell me news and I would ask where he heard it and 90% of the time his reply was Facebook! Again, we were happy with this odd 3 wheeled cart.  Abby, however. was becoming increasingly difficult. Not only did she berate us regularly for being creepy stalkers, she took great umbrage when Honey accidently friended or liked something she did not want liked or friended. He always said he was sorry and blamed it on his fat fingers, which regularly take him to places unintentionally, or won’t take him to places he would like to visit. She also especially hated when he called it “our” Facebook. After one too many of said offenses, she booted him off, and because we are married and do everything together, I got the boot as well.

I have never been interested in having a Facebook because it seems like one more thing to maintain and keep up with. There also seems to be a lot of shouting of opinions in a not nice way, and mountains of OVERSHARING, which I find uncomfortable and makes me feel sorry for/angry at them and their stupidity. And in turn makes me sin as I judge them for their stupidity. See that there? I just shifted the blame for my sin. All I really want to do is look at pictures of what my my friends are doing and spy on my children, as you do. Just two simple things.

So there we were, cut loose from Facebook. Banished. Unable to see pictures of pets, children or grandchildren, banned from reading the encouraging, enlightening or funny words of friends and loved ones, no more wasting time watching funny videos about scaring cats or dogs wearing booties, and unable to discern who was pro or con gun control or who was “feeling the Bern” or a Tea Partier.

I could tell Honey was facing withdrawal.  I suggested we could get our own, I have seen other couples do it. I am a little more familiar now with the world of social media. After all I have managed 2 blogs, a sporadic  Instagram account, have celebrated a year on Pinterest, and obtained a Twitter account that I have never used but follow 2 people on. One of them is Mousey, the other is the producer of The Ellen Show, Andy Lassner, who I usually find to be hilarious, but am getting tired of his political posts. I confess that I also stalk a friend of the family to see if he has broken up with a girl who I feel is not a good fit for him. It directs my prayers. Or I am nosey. Whatever.

Well, Honey said he would think about it. He came back with the offer that we could have one with a false name. We would only friend select people and he felt confident he could resume his heavy Facebook activity with that. Heaven forbid it have his name on it, like he was in the witness protection program or something. So Ajack Kelly was born.

Mousey set the account up for us and promptly began friending people she thought we might like to be friends with, Honey shut that down QUICK! NOOOOOOO!!!!! No friends, just the kids!  We were mercilessly mocked by our children, and people figured out who we were anyway. I guess all that being able to like with reckless abandon gave us away. We were fooling no one. My Girl Cousin Kay even asked if it was Capri K and wished me happy birthday. Ajack Kelly was an epic fail.

I thought about it for about a month, and then I switched to my real name..

Other than the people Mousey friended initially, I have friended exactly 2 people, my friend Becki and faithful blob reader, Oklahoma Tammy, because she did not know my last name. I will allow that Honey may have accidently friended someone with his fat fingers. All of the others friended me, and that is a strange thing in itself. It is oddly exciting to see a friend has requested you but I have been confused as to why some people want to be my friend. One of the many strange things in this virtual world.

I may have some more observations at another time but this seems like enough for now.

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